Hi Dan - this isn't your official OGR feedback - as there's still time I think for you to revisit your idea; remember when I suggested that the test of whether you're using a story component legitimately is whether or not you can replace it and it make little difference? Well, if I replaced your wheelbarrow with a chair on wheels or a skateboard, your story would be completely unchanged, which means that your wheelbarrow is making no impact at all in terms of your story...also - what's the point of scene 2 - how does it drive the story?
Hi Phil. Scene 2 is showing the co-worker of the detective from scene 3. It's meant to show that his past is beginning to catch u with him and that they found the photos in the wheelbarrow, that the co-worker had stolen from the house. I can see why scene 2 can be considered "pointless" in the Step Outline.
OGR 22/01/2015Hi Dan - yes, that information isn't available in your actual content, so I am still experiencing difficulty in getting to grips with the point of your story, and likewise the decisions around some of the objects... You do seem very preoccupied with this idea, as it was there in the beginning of the project in basic terms. I'm just wondering at your appetite for junking this idea and thinking about some alternatives? It feels to me as if this story exists in your head (i.e. back-story and relationships between characters) but isn't communicating very well on the page. Can you have another go at getting what you know about this story out onto the page? You have to remember that the audience for your story is 'not' you - which means whatever we need to know in order to follow the events needs to be 'within' the experience on screen and not 'in your head'. When you've completed a revised version, Dan - post it @Phil and I'll take a look.